Goodbye
by karirin
Summary: I loved you but for you it wasn't enough, and now I have to let you go. FujixTezuka


disclamer: I don't own them not Price of tennis or "Bed of lies" from matchbox 20

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Goodbye

The bed they were sleeping in was warm, too warm for such a cold winter night. Yet he felt cold, as if the wind outside was wrapping itself around him. How long had it been since the last time they hugged, for how long has this empty feeling been inside his heart? Too long, he decided.

Looking at the man that stood next to him a small sad smile found its way on his face. He had been prepared for tonight, but that didn't mean the pain lessened. Far from it. But there was no turning back now. He didn't want this lie to go on, it hurt too much.

_**No I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning  
I am**_

Oh so quietly he got out of bed flinching a bit when his bare feet met the freezing cold floor, and made his way towards the chair were a fresh pair of clothes lay neatly folded. The plain blue pj's he had on were quickly discarded in favor of a pair of black jeans and a navy blue sweater. Picking up his pj's he put them in a bag together with a pair of slippers he used earlier and the book on the nightstand and when he was finished he neatly placed it next to the duffle bag that he packed earlier on.

A letter was in his hand, the last thing he had to do before he could leave. With unsure steps he walked towards the bed they once shared and placed the envelope where his head was supposed to be. A look at the man that kept on sleeping and his resolve almost crumbled. He was so tempted to rip that letter to shreds but the wounds in his heart wouldn't let him.

Two small tears made their way down soft pale skin when he bent his head and kissed the others parted lips but he knew. He knew he had to leave now, before his heart crumbled even more.

_**Don't think that I can take another empty moment  
Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile  
It's not enough just to be sorry  
Don't think that I could take another talk about it**_

The picture that always stayed on the coffee table was now face down and all those albums that once littered the kitchen table were no more. No more aprons on the kitchen door or flowers in the bedroom, no more strange statues in the study or funny candles on the corner of the tub, no more warmth to fill the apartment no more joy to light it up. And the soft sound of the front door closing made the disappearance final.

Fuji left the apartment he had come to think of as home. So many memories were in there that he felt empty as if he was no longer himself. It might have been because for a long time now it hadn't been him but us whenever he talked to his friends. He and Tezuka used to do everything together; they were the ones that were supposed to last.

But they were no longer good for each other, or better said he was no longer good enough for the other.

'When was it that we grew apart Kunimitsu. When was it that I was no longer enough? We used to talk so much and then you just stopped, I never thought I could feel so alone. But you won't be alone will you? And now you're free to do the things you want without me holding you back.'

A few more tears fell down his checks as he made his way down the empty street.

_**Just like me you got needs  
And they're only a whisper away  
And we softly surrender  
To these lives that we've tendered away**_

It was starting to snow and he still had no idea where he would go. It would be so easy to go back, to pretend it was all a bad joke, or maybe even a scare because of their earlier fight. But he wouldn't do that to either of them so instead he headed towards the nearest hotel.

_**No I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning  
I am**_

By the time he arrived at the hotel the small snow storm had turned into a blizzard. He however didn't notice. Like he didn't notice the stares he received from the few people that were gathered in the lobby or the wipers that followed.

He took a room and then he was alone. The room seemed strange somehow.

'It feels empty without you Kunimitsu. It's been so long since we were apart, but I guess this time I won't be coming back. Strange how I feel tired but my mind refuses to shut down. I guess it likes to torment me with all the memories we made. I wish I could chose to see only the bad ones Kunimitsu, so that I could hate you and then maybe this pain would go. '

The pain he felt was clearly reflected in those stormy blue eyes. Knowing there was no escape from the thoughts that filled his mind he took seat on the windowsill and watched the snow fall and from time to time a tear of his own fell to the ground.

When he woke up that morning the brilliance of the sun seemed to be mocking him. His mood was no better if not worse then last night and with sleep fading away doubts started to arise.

Did I do the right thing? should I give him another chance? Did I overreact? He couldn't help but feel afraid.

'I wish I knew if what I did was right or wrong. All I know is that I can't go back to him, not when every time I'm in his arms I feel that he would rather be somewhere else.'

_**Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over  
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong  
Where it's not enough just be sorry**_

'I tried so hard to change, to be the way you needed me to be, until one day when I looked in the mirror I couldn't see myself. I tried so hard to play the part you wanted me. I now realize how wrong I was and how fake everything became between us. I now start to wonder if you were who I thought or if you were a playing a part as well. '

_**Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in  
Tried to be more than me  
And I gave till it all went away  
And we've only surrendered  
To the worst part of these winters we've made**_

He hadn't come out of that hotel room for 3 days now. His cell phone was turned off so that he wouldn't have to talk to anyone, not even his family. It no longer snowed outside and a heavy blanket of snow covered the city. He was in an armchair by the fire immersed in his own world. The sound of laughter was what brought him back to reality. And feeling curious he went to the window to see what was going on.

A small group of kids were playing in the snow in spite of their parents' warnings that they would catch a cold. The joy was evident on their faces as they half tried to make a snow half to end a snowball fight (). It made him reach for his camera only to find it wasn't anywhere to be seen. He then remembered that it was packed with everything else.

It was time to move on and he knew it, but even so fear still clutched his heart. He was afraid to be alone.

'But if I stay here I will surely end up alone. I can't go back and I can't stay still. I can only move forward.'

Small steps he reminded himself. There was no need to rush things; he had all the time in the world. And while he waited for his heart to heal he would work hard to find himself.

_**No I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning  
I am**_

Two weeks passed until he began looking for an apartment. And another month before he finally moved in. it wasn't too big, just big enough to serve him as a make shift studio. In that time he found himself falling in love with his job all over again

Every picture he took had a small part of him in it and many remarked how they grew in intensity.

He faced his family short after he found the apartment and that day he was sure would stay would him forever. He expected sympathy or pity from them in turn he found love and understanding.

It was spring when he met Tezuka again. The surprise was clear on both their faces and even if Tezuka was the first to recover he didn't seem to know what to say.

'Still the same old Tezuka' Fuji thought.

"Would you like to join me for tea Tezuka? I was supposed to meat someone but I arrived to early."

"Ah" was the short reply.

The silence was tense around them and it was to see that two people that used to know each other so well now had nothing to say.

'Ah… but we didn't really know each other, did we?'

With a tired sigh Fuji looked at his watch. It was almost time to meat his friend. A small smile made its way to his face when he thought about his friend. Who would have known that such a guy could bring him so much comfort? He doubted anyone would believe that, and he couldn't help but agree with them. After all he was too honest almost to the point of being rude, had a strange sense of humor, liked to annoy you, and took pleasure in teasing you till you could swear red was a permanent color for your face. But then again maybe it was just that, he was so refreshingly new that it forced Fuji to open his eyes and see the world in all its colors not just the dull shades of grey he started getting used to.

He started for the door when a hand around his own stopped him.

"I miss you" he heard the quiet voice, but wished he didn't. True many of his wounds had healed but some were still raw and his heart still ached whenever he thought of him.

"I want you back." He heard him say again.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry but I can't go back." He tried to leave but only made it out of the café before he felt a strong arm wrap around his waist effectively stopping him.

"Please let me go"

"Why?"

"Because I'm not the same I used to be. I've changed, we both did. We were just too afraid to admit it and ended up hurting each other instead."

A part of him wanted to stay in that embrace, to give this another shot but there was an even bigger part that told him how foolish that would be.

"Goodbye Tezuka"

_**I am all that I'll ever be  
When you - lay your hands  
Over me but don't go weak on me now  
I know that it's weak  
But God help me I need to leave**_

He walked away never looking back. He was surprised how much it still hurt, and by the time he made it to the meeting place a few tears had already made their way down his cheeks. But this time he didn't have to face the cold that threaten to take over his heart alone. This time two warm arms were there to give him warmth and comfort. They were there to make sure that the man between them would find the strength to smile tomorrow even if he cried today.

'I'm sorry Kunimitsu, I know I'm selfish by thinking this but I want to see where this road I'm on will lead'

_**I will not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning  
I'm marking it down to learning  
'Cause I am**_

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i hope you like it i don't know if i should keep it as a oneshot or make it a multichhapter storry. what do you think? 


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